You may have heard of the "5 Love Languages" by Dr. Gary Chapman and the principles he teaches for long lasting and fulfilling love relationships and a happy marriage. But did you know the principles can also apply to yourself and how you practice self-love. It's true.
Everyone gives and receives love differently including how you give back to yourself and express self-care and self-love. If you are not caring for yourself in meaningful ways you can start to feel like your needs aren't being met. You may experience unhappiness and unfulfillment and start looking at other people, food or other things to fill the void. Sadly, no one can remedy this for you. You must take a breather and reflect on what your needs are, how they need to be met and then start loving yourself in your own love language.
As a mother to 5 kids aged 8-17 years old, I am here to tell you self-love isn't about being egoistical, vain of full of yourself. In fact, it is the absolute opposite. Loving yourself is celebrating how unique and wonderful you are, not is an arrogant way, but rather in loving ways and small acts of kindness. Self-love is about being compassionate and understanding toward yourself when you have a bad day, fail at things, or feel inadequate, rather than beating yourself negative self-talk and harsh criticism. Its about kicking that inner mean girl to the curb!
Expressing self-love first starts with making your needs important and worthy of attention, a thing many women and mothers struggle to do. Ironically, this is when it most needed. Practicing self-love and understanding what your love language is are critical to living your best Life. When you are in the habit of self-love, it becomes easier to ask for the support you need, to do the things you love, and to accept who you are and all the wonderful things about you.
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The 5 Love Languages
The five love languages is philosophy developed by a famous American marriage counsellor Gary Chapman. He has been a marriage counsellor for well over 25 years and through his work, he identified five different ways people give and receive love. They are as follows:
words of affirmation
receiving gifts
quality time
physical touch
acts of service
You can take the 5 Love Languages Quiz yourself and discover your own primary love language in perosnal relationships not just with your spouse, but also with your children and loved ones too. Click here.
Gary's philosophy is that every person has a primary love language, but this also applies to yourself. One or more of the five methods of expressing love and support will highly resonate for you. Identifying which ones are yours, will help you to connect on a deeper level with other and yourself. Practicing your love language is the highest form of self-love and what I am about to encourage you to get into the habit of doing. Follow along and become your happiest self and more fulfilled in Life.
What Are The Love Languages?
If you clicked on to Gary's site and did the quiz, you already have a good idea what love languages are and which one is yours. Below I have shared what each language is and provided examples of how you can start practicing yours with yourself. Grab a pen and notepad as you go through the list.
Love language 1: Words of affirmation
This love language is expressed by the words or supportive things to yourself. It is your self-talk. How do you feel when you hear your partner or someone offer you encouraging, affirming words and compliments? If it makes you feel loved up, positive and more confident, then saying these sorts of things to yourself is a way to show self-love with this as your primary love language.
HOW: You can try using affirmations, do some deep mirror work, listen to guided mediations for self esteem and confidence, and seek out ways to build yourself up using positive words. Write a love letter to yourself, or start keeping a journal of all the things you are grateful for in your Life.
Love language 2: Acts of service
This love language is expressed by doing helpful things for yourself just like you might for a partner. It is the things you do to better care for yourself. How do you feel when your partner or someone helps you with tasks that reduce burden or ease your stress? If this is your love language, then start thinking about ways you can relieve your stress and unburden yourself.
HOW: You may need to hire help or a cleaner once a week, or ask your spouse and kids for extra help around the house. Get on top of housework as soon as possible to lessen the stress of it all piling up throughout the week. Seeing a counsellor or therapist, taking up a yoga or mediation class may help unburden your stress.
Love language 3: Receiving gifts
This love language is expressed by receiving a small gift. It is loving yourself enough to treat yourself to something nice and unexpected. How do you feel when your partner or someone gets you thoughtful or extravagant gifts? If the hits your sweet spot, then its time to start doing this for yourself.
HOW: Buy yourself a pretty bouquet or flowers or that outfit you've had your eye on for several months. Treat yourself to something of meaning and allow yourself to be spoiled. You may go to the spa, get your hair done or enrol in something you'd love to do like painting classes, scrapbooking, candle making or even a hobby course.
Love language 4: Quality time
This love language is expressed by spending meaningful time with yourself. It is carving out time to work on your hobbies, passions and things that make you feel alive and on fire. How do you feel when your partner or someone gives you their undivided attention and you engage in meaningful conversation or activities together? If this is your love language then its time to book off some time with yourself and your interests.
HOW: Take yourself out to lunch to that new café and people watch. Spend an hour each day doing something you really enjoy or spending with people you love being around. Purposely fill quality time doing activities that help you feel important, productive and like it was time well spent.
Love language 5: Physical touch
This love language is expressed by physical and caressed by yourself. It is through the sense of touch to feel grounded, safe and happy. How do you feel when your partner shows you affection through touch? If this is your love language then finding ways to comfort physically will be your task.
HOW: Practice a skin care treatment at home using a mud mask, beauty device or learn Gua Sha, the art of facial rolling. Book in for a massage, facial or other spa treatment than relaxes and soothes you physically. Make love to yourself and celebrate the incredibleness of your body.
Identify Your Self-Love Language
Were you able to identify which is your love language? If you haven't already, come up with at least 5-10 ways you can express your love language to yourself this week. They don't need to be big or expensive act of kindness, pampering or gestures, but rather small acts that have great meaning for you and will fill your cup with self-love.
Healthy + happiness,
Emma xoxo
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Loved this, much needed, thank you!!!